Police today revealed that a 57-year-old
English teacher has been beaten to death by the check-out staff at a
supermarket in La Jolla, California.
An eyewitness said, "It was horrible - the man simply pointed out that the sign reading 'ten items or less' should in fact read 'ten items or fewer' because less means 'not as much' and fewer means 'not as many'."
Police say that following these comments, the check-out staff set upon the man using bundles of in-store promotional flyers and an assortment of frozen foods. Witnesses are still being interviewed. So far, six store employees have been arrested.
This is the latest in a spate of grammar-related crimes. A woman was recently defenestrated by her husband when she pointed out to him that he'd said "providing the weather is fine, I'll wash the car" rather than the correct "provided the weather is fine." In other news, a 65-year-old lady was injured by a man after she informed him of his constant muddling of the words "whose" and "who's'."
Police are asking the public to be careful and only correct grammar if it is truly necessary or to add sense to complex sentences.
A police spokesman said, "If you hear a double negative or a gerund not logically attached to the subject of a sentence resulting in a dangling modifier, just walk on by. Don't offer a correction; it's just not worth it."
"In the meantime if you suspect you have been the victim of a grammar-related crime, please report it to the police."
The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious. So far.
Based on a post by brat is Kestrel
Published Aug 17, 2008
